Rhinelander Getaway: AmericInn's Unbeatable Deals!
Rhinelander Getaway: AmericInn's "Unbeatable Deals!"… Yeah, Okay. (A Surprisingly Honest Review)
Alright, buckle up buttercups, because we're diving headfirst into the Rhinelander Getaway: AmericInn's Unbeatable Deals! experience. And let me tell you, it's less "unbeatable" and more… "a solid place to crash after a long day of exploring the Northwoods." Let's be real, that's what we're after, right? A clean bed, a hot shower, and maybe, just maybe, a decent cup of coffee to kick things off.
First Impressions & The Accessibility Shuffle:
Pulling up to the AmericInn, you're greeted by…well, it's an AmericInn. You know the drill. Standard, slightly weathered exterior, promising warmth within. Getting inside, I immediately had to give them a slight nod for accessibility. There’s an elevator, which is a HUGE plus for us old folks (or anyone with mobility issues, duh!). And the front desk? Seemed friendly enough, even if they weren't exactly leaping for joy to hand me my room key. I'm always a bit wary of hotels that overdo the saccharine greetings.
Room Review: My Humble Abode (and Its Quirks)
Okay, let's get to the room. I snagged a non-smoking room (thank the heavens – I hate the lingering smell of cigarette smoke!), and overall, it was…fine. Think cleanish, but not clinically clean. The carpeting? Kinda old, with a few mystery stains that I tried not to focus on. But hey, the bed was comfy enough, and the blackout curtains were AMAZING. Slept like a log. Which is a good thing, because I'm pretty sure my neighbor was having a full-blown polka party at 3 AM. (Soundproof rooms, anyone?)
Now, for the quirks. I appreciated the free Wi-Fi, which I'm pretty sure is a hotel requirement these days. And the internet access – LAN? Does anyone still use that? Made me chuckle. The inclusion of an alarm clock was nice, but the dial was so small I needed a magnifying glass to set it. Speaking of tiny, the TV was…well, it was there. I did watch a terrible movie on on-demand, just because I could.
The Dreaded "Things to Do" & The Spa Dreams Deferred:
Listen, I always plan to hit up a spa. Body wrap? Massage? The works! But in reality, I'm more likely to collapse on the bed and watch reruns of Forensic Files. The hotel listed a spa/sauna and fitness center, but I’ll be honest, I didn’t see it… and it wasn't a high priority after hiking all day. I did briefly consider the pool with a view (a pool is a pool), but the weather wasn’t cooperating. Oh, and the gym/fitness? Pass. Maybe next time. I'm sure it has some decent equipment.
Food & Drink: Bread and Butter (and Maybe Some Dessert?)
Breakfast. The make-or-break for me. And the AmericInn offered a breakfast buffet. This is where things get…interesting. There were the usual suspects - Western breakfast(eggs, sausage, toast) - but also, a few things that seemed trying (I'll avoid the specifics, but let's just say, I stuck to simple and safe). The coffee/tea in the restaurant was adequate, the desserts in restaurant? I didn't see any! However, I spotted a coffee shop and a snack bar—both closed during my stay. Restaurants—yes, they had a few! A la carte—if you're feeling fancy. The poolside bar seemed lonely.
The COVID-19 Reality Check & Safety Saga:
Let's be honest, this is on everyone's mind. AmericInn tried. They had hand sanitizer everywhere. They talked about daily disinfection in common areas, and I'm sure the staff trained in safety protocol. They even mentioned individually-wrapped food options (score!), and room sanitization opt-out available. I'm guessing for certain areas there was professional-grade sanitizing services. The cashless payment service was also convenient. But you can't help but wonder… were they really cleaning the air vents? I wasn't brave enough to check.
Services & Conveniences: The Good, The Bad, and The Luggage Storage.
The concierge was available. The daily housekeeping was solid, but I did notice a few… inconsistencies. I always forget to ask for extra towels, and this time was no different. The laundry service was appreciated (because let’s face it, I packed light), and the elevator was a lifesaver. The dry cleaning was also available, but it wasn’t my thing (too fussy!). I did see a convenience store close by, which came in handy for grabbing a snack.
My Personal Anecdote: The Great Coffee Catastrophe (And Why You Should Always Bring Your Own Mug)
Okay, this is my story. So, first morning, I hit up the buffet, eager for my usual caffeine fix. Coffee looked watery. I went to the in-room coffee maker. It was broken. I asked the front desk, and they said it was being fixed. They said a room service would be here with a coffee. I waited. I waited. I waited. Nothing. Finally, at 10 AM, I had to go. No coffee! Disaster. So, my advice? Bring your own travel mug and a stash of your favorite coffee. Trust me on this. This single experience influenced my entire rating. Everything after this was subpar.
Overall Verdict: Rhinelander Getaway AmericInn – Is it "Unbeatable"? Nope, But…
Ultimately, would I stay here again? Probably. It's clean enough. The bed was good. the location was decent. The price was reasonable. It's a solid spot for a no-frills, budget-friendly stay. Just pack your own coffee and keep your expectations low. You'll be fine. And hey, if you are looking for an "unbeatable" experience, you really need to be aiming higher. My experience was messy, ordinary, and a little frustrating, but that's okay. Even so-called "unbeatable deals" can be, well, beatable. Rating: 6/10 (because the blackout curtains, duh!).
Indulge in Downtown Minneapolis: The Hotel Indigo Experience
Okay, buckle up, buttercups! This isn't your sanitized, perfectly-crafted travel itinerary. This is… life, in a Wisconsin AmericInn by Wyndham. Get ready for the Rhinelander rollercoaster!
AmericInn by Wyndham Rhinelander: The Rhinelander Ramble (and Rumble)
Day 1: Arrival, Anxiety, and Attempted Artistry
- 2:00 PM – Arrival & Assessment: Pulled up to the AmericInn. First impression? Beige. Solid, dependable beige. The kind of beige you see in a budget dentist's office. But hey, it has a pool! Or, more accurately, "a pool, which is… a pool." Checked in. The front desk guy, bless his heart, looked like he'd seen some things. Like maybe a badger in a Speedo. Offered me a "welcome snack." I think it was a stale granola bar. Score. 3.8 out of 5 stars.
- 3:00 PM – The Room Reveal (and the Quest for WiFi): The room! Standard AmericInn fare. Two queen beds. A TV that probably predates flat screens (and the internet, and maybe civilization). The WiFi? A cruel mistress. I spent a solid 20 minutes pacing, muttering, and jiggling the router in some desperate attempt to get a connection. Success! Sort of. It’s like trying to watch Netflix on dial-up… in 2024. Ugh. The room wasn't perfect, the lighting was a little harsh, and I swear I could hear the faint hum of regret from the curtains. But whatever.
- 4:00 PM – Art Attack (Failed Attempt): I'd brought my paints, thinking I'd capture the majesty of the Northwoods. Turns out, I’m more adept at capturing dust bunnies than the beauty of a sunset. My attempt at painting the Wisconsin River ended up looking like a Jackson Pollock experiment gone wrong. The paint's too thick, the color's too muddy, I was too tired. Time to hide the canvas.
- 6:00 PM – Dinner Dilemma: The local restaurants are on board, but it's a little difficult to choose. I heard decent things about "The Alby's," but I didn't have time for the drive. So I went to the "Friendly Diner"… which was friendly. It's not what I wanted, but the burger was…burgery. And the fries were suitably salty. I was hungry.
- 7:30 PM – Poolside Panic (and Chlorine Bliss): Okay, the pool! Finally! The water felt surprisingly clean, and there were only two other people in it: a couple of kids who looked like they were trying to invent new ways to hurl themselves into chlorinated water. I did laps. Or, attempted laps. Mostly just flailing. But the chlorine smell? Pure, nostalgic bliss. I almost liked it. Almost.
- 9:00 PM – Bedtime… or Bedtime? The flickering glow of the TV and a good book. The gentle whir of the air conditioner (or, the rhythmic reminder that yes, you're still in a hotel). Trying to sleep, but also fighting a battle with the ghosts of internet connectivity. The ghosts won.
Day 2: River Rambles, Culinary Calamities, and… Squirrels?
- 8:00 AM – Breakfast Buffet Blues: Standard. Continental. The usual suspects: stale pastries, lukewarm coffee, and that questionable scrambled egg mixture that gives you the courage to live but also makes you feel like you're always one step away from succumbing to food poisoning. I filled up on the fruit, but I got that familiar feeling in my stomach…
- 9:00 AM – River Exploration (and Moose-less Dreams): The Wisconsin River! I drove along the water and stopped at a park to take a walk. It's beautiful, though! Peaceful. I was hoping to see a moose. Nope.
- 12:00 PM – Lumberjack Lunch (and Regret): Went to a place called "The Lumberjack's Inn." It looked promising! Wooden everything! But the "lumberjack lunch" I ordered was… a mountain of fried food. The chicken tasted suspiciously like cardboard. The onion rings were greasy, and the fries were… well, the fries were fries. I ate it anyway. Too hungry to care. I think I'll be in bed for about 4 hours.
- 2:00 PM – The Legend of the Hodag (and Souvenir Overload): Went to the Rhinelander Chamber of Commerce. Learned all about the Hodag! (A mythical creature). The town loves the Hodag. Walked away with a Hodag t-shirt, a Hodag fridge magnet, and a Hodag stress ball. I am now officially an expert on Hodags. I've got a Hodag tattoo planned… maybe.
- 3:00 PM – Squirrel Shenanigans: Back at the hotel, and what's this? Squirrels. Not just any squirrels, mind you. These were aggressive, street-smart squirrels, eyeballing me from the parking lot, obviously planning their next raid. I swear one of them gave me the stink eye. I considered starting a squirrel-watching blog. I spent an hour or so watching them.
- 4:00 PM – The Pool Re-Encounter: Back to the pool. This time, I brought a book. Read a few pages. Mostly just watched the children. Chlorine. Bliss.
- 6:00 PM to Bed: Rest, reading, TV. It's a cycle.
Day 3: Farewell, Rhinelander (and a Bittersweet Goodbye to Beige)
- 8:00 AM – The Breakfast Brigade Strikes Again: Somehow, I survived another breakfast buffet pilgrimage. I think I'm developing a symbiotic relationship with the stale pastries.
- 9:00 AM – Final River Gaze: One last look at the Wisconsin River. It's beautiful. I'll miss it.
- 10:00 AM – Check-Out Chaos (and a Glimmer of Hope): The checkout process was painless, which was shocking! No hidden fees, no unexpected questions, no badger sightings. Goodbye, AmericInn, you beige bastion of… something.
- 10:30 AM – The Road Beckons: Time to head out. My heart felt that familiar combination of melancholy and excitement. Rhinelander, you weird, wonderful place. You were… an experience.
This, my friends, is what a real trip to Rhinelander looks like. Imperfect, messy, and filled with moments of pure, unadulterated human-ness. And wouldn't trade it for a perfectly curated, Instagram-worthy vacation ever. Now, if you'll excuse me, I think I need to go back to the Hodag store…
Escape to Paradise: Pier Sixty-Six's Fort Lauderdale Luxury Awaits
Rhinelander Getaway: AmericInn's "Unbeatable Deals!" ... Uh, Yeah, About That...
Okay, so... "Unbeatable Deals"? What's the *real* story behind these AmericInn packages? Are we talking actual bargains, or just... "deals"?
Alright, buckle up, buttercups. "Unbeatable" is a *strong* word, you know? It's like when your aunt Carol sends you a fruitcake for Christmas and calls it "delicious." You smile, nod, eat a single slice, and secretly hide the rest in the back of the fridge, hoping it will magically disappear. Same vibe, different treat.
Look, sometimes the deals *are* decent. Sometimes. It depends. On the time of year (winter's your best shot, IMO), the day of the week (weekdays usually cheaper), and how desperate they are to fill rooms. Don't go expecting miracles. But hey, maybe you'll stumble into a genuinely good one! I once snagged a suite with a fireplace *and* a jacuzzi for like... way less than I expected. Pure luck, I tell ya. But then, my last trip? The pool was closed, the breakfast pastries were clearly from a gas station, and the "free Wi-Fi" was about as reliable as my grandpa's memory. So, yeah. "Unbeatable" is a subjective term. Manage your expectations. Always.
What kind of "deals" are we actually talking about? Breakfast included? Spa access? A lifetime supply of stale coffee?
Ah, the siren song of the included breakfast! Here's the lowdown on that. Expect your standard fare: continental. Think lukewarm coffee, maybe some rubbery scrambled eggs (if you're REALLY lucky), a sad little waffle maker, and a selection of pre-packaged sugary carbohydrates that will give you the energy equivalent of a sugar-crazed hummingbird.
Sometimes, REALLY sometimes, there's a hot item (like biscuits and gravy, which, for an AmericInn breakfast, can actually hit the spot if you're drunk on the night). But don't get your hopes up. Spa access? HA! Unless your definition of "spa" is the slightly-chlorined indoor pool that smells faintly of disinfectant and disappointment. There's a fitness room, usually tiny and containing a treadmill you shouldn't trust and a bike, but that is it. Coffee? Yes. Stale, yes. Lifetime Supply? Absolutely not. You'll be lucky to get a refill before they run out of the good stuff. Make a plan, pack snacks.
What's the AmericInn in Rhinelander *actually* like? Anything beyond the obvious? (Pool? Fireplace? Bed Bugs? Asking for a friend... mostly.)
Alright, let's dive deep, shall we? The Rhinelander AmericInn... it’s... got *character*. Picture the quintessential roadside inn from the late 80s, but with a slightly updated paint job. Think friendly staff, a lobby that smells of chlorine and cleaning products (in a comforting, familiar way), and rooms that are, well, rooms.
The pool? See above. The jacuzzi (if it's working)? Potentially crowded, filled with ecstatic, shrieking children, and definitely not as romantic as you imagine. The "fireplace suite" (as I mentioned)? Pure gold, if you can get it. And the beds? Generally okay. Not the *best* beds I've ever slept in, but not the worst. Bed bugs? Look, I'm not going to lie and tell you it's impossible. Always, ALWAYS, do a quick check when you arrive. It's a good habit, regardless of what hotel you choose. Flip the sheets, check the seams of the mattress. It's a quick win if you catch them early.
I tell you what, though... One time I went there, I booked a room, got there, and the *key* was on the counter. The paperwork done. The door open. No check-in. No one was there. Truly the greatest hotel I've ever been to. It was like, "Here's your room, dude. Welcome to freedom!" The rest of the stay was... pretty fine.
Is it kid-friendly? Like, REALLY kid-friendly? (Because my kids are basically tiny, walking tornadoes.)
Kid-friendly? Honey, AmericInns are practically *built* for tiny tornadoes. They're definitely a family-oriented spot. The pool is a massive draw, even if it's not the most glamorous. The breakfast area is usually a feeding frenzy of juice boxes, cereal, and general chaos. Staff seems used to high-pitched shrieks of joy and the occasional spilled sippy cup.
However, let's be realistic: this isn't the Ritz. Don't expect pristine carpets or hushed tones. It's more like a slightly-above-average Chuck E. Cheese, minus the animatronic band and the questionable pizza. If your kids are the type who leave a trail of chaos in their wake (and let's be honest, most kids are), you'll be fine. If they're super sensitive to noise or prefer a more refined atmosphere, you might want to consider earplugs... for yourself.
What's there to *do* in Rhinelander besides stay at the AmericInn? (I'm looking for more than just a pool and a waffle.)
Okay, this is where Rhinelander actually shines. The town itself is pretty darn charming. Think lakes, forests, and a healthy dose of small-town Wisconsin vibes.
The big draw? The Northwoods. Think hiking, biking, fishing, boating, and general outdoor-sy goodness. Bring bug spray (the mosquitos are savage). Go see the Hodag, the legendary mythical beast. There's a great museum. There are a few decent restaurants downtown. You can rent kayaks. You can drive a bit and find some truly breathtaking scenery. Seriously, the fall colors? Unbeatable. See the water tower Hodag. It is *required*.
Don't expect a bustling metropolis. Embrace the laid-back vibe. It's a place to disconnect, breathe some fresh air, and maybe, just maybe, stumble upon a hidden gem. Or at least a decent burger. And hey, that waffle maker at breakfast? It might actually come in handy after a day of chasing Hodags and breathing in the fresh air.
If you were forced to sum up the Rhinelander AmericInn experience in a single sentence, what would it be?
It's a solid, dependable, slightly worn-around-the-edges basecamp for exploring the Northwoods, with a decent chance of a surprisingly good deal if you're willing to roll the dice and bring your own snacks.
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