Escape to Appleton: Howard Johnson's Unexpected Charm!
Escape to Appleton: Howard Johnson's Unexpected Charm! - A Review That Actually Feels Like a Trip
Okay, buckle up, buttercups. Because I just got back from Appleton, Wisconsin, and specifically, a stay at that bastion of roadside Americana, a Howard Johnson. Yes, that Howard Johnson. And honestly? I didn't hate it. In fact, I'm still kinda processing it. This isn't your slick, millennial Instagram feed kind of review; this is the real deal, warts and all, because let’s face it, life's messy, and so are hotels sometimes.
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First Impressions & the Lobby Shuffle:
Let's be real, my expectations were subterranean. Howard Johnson, you picture it, you know? Dingy carpet, flickering fluorescent lights, maybe even a ghost of a bellhop. But this one… well, it wasn't that bad. The lobby was surprisingly spacious, if a little… beige. Think practical, not glamorous. There was a small desk off to the side, clearly for business folk (more on that later), and a comfy-ish seating area with those weird, vaguely Art Deco chairs that probably haven't been replaced since the Eisenhower administration.
Accessibility - A Mixed Bag (and My Knee Hurts):
Okay, accessibility is key for me these days. I've got a bum knee that decided to stage a protest against gravity recently. Facilities for disabled guests are listed on the website, and the website states they have rooms. (I didn't ask for one). There is an elevator, which is a godsend. However, navigation felt a little like a maze. There were a few tight corners and some poorly placed furniture that could be a challenge for a full wheelchair. I hobbled along and tried to be positive. It was better than some places, though. Plus, the exterior corridor meant (at least in my section) a quick escape in case of emergency. Front desk [24-hour] was also reassuring. However, the facilities for disabled guests were not directly available, so I suggest that one should phone ahead and confirm.
The Room – A Time Capsule (and a Great Pillow!)
My room? Let's just say it was a masterclass in practical minimalism. Air conditioning? Check. Alarm clock? Check. Coffee/tea maker? Double-check. And, bless their hearts, free Wi-Fi (which actually worked! Wi-Fi [free] in all rooms is a huge plus). I mean, the carpet was a bit…worn (honestly I think it had seen more action than I had), and the blackout curtains were a touch on the sheer side, but the bed? The bed was heaven. Seriously, the pillow game was strong. Best sleep I've had in ages, I swear. I can also confirm the presence of a desk, ironing facilities, and a minibar. The bathroom was…basic. But it was clean. And the shower had decent water pressure. I also appreciated the additional toilet (although the toilet paper felt like it was made of recycled sandpaper.) Daily housekeeping was prompt and efficient. And there were towels! Actual, fluffy towels! Kudos.
Internet – Gotta Have It (and Sometimes I Didn’t):
Free Wi-Fi in all rooms! Yes! Fantastic! And it usually held up. I mean, I managed to stream Netflix without too much buffering, and video calls were generally okay. There was Internet access – wireless, and some rooms had Internet access – LAN.
Cleanliness and Safety – More Than I Expected:
Look, this is crucial post-pandemic. I was actually pleasantly surprised. I might even say Cleanliness and safety were paramount. There were signs of Hygiene certification, which is good. They were clearly trying, even if the execution wasn't perfect. I noticed the Daily disinfection in common areas. The staff seemed to be following protocol; they were wearing masks and gloves, and the Hand sanitizer dispensers were everywhere. I also got the distinct impression that the staff were trained in safety protocol, though I didn’t grill them about it. My room also had a fire extinguisher, smoke alarms, and a smoke detector. Rooms sanitized between stays is also a sign of carefulness.
Dining, Drinking, and Snacking - The Food Court of My Dreams (Maybe):
Okay, so here’s where things get a little…complex. The restaurants are there, and there is a Breakfast service. There is Asian cuisine in restaurant, as well as international cuisine in restaurant. There are desserts in restaurant and salad in restaurant. I didn’t try them, because…well, more on that later. There's a Coffee shop with Coffee/tea in restaurant. There is a Poolside bar, which wasn't open the entire time I was there (sad face). There are Snack bar and Room service [24-hour].
But here's the deal: I ended up hitting the local fast-food joint a couple of times because – and this is just me – I have trust issues with hotel restaurants. Call it past trauma. The menu seemed varied, but I just…froze.
Things to Do – Appleton & Beyond (and the Gym’s Vibe)
Appleton itself is…well, it’s Appleton. A perfectly pleasant Midwestern town with a nice riverfront. Things to do are plentiful. There's a Fitness center, but I was way too lazy to investigate it beyond a quick peek. It looked fairly standard, with a few treadmills and weights; I'm not a gym person. The swimming pool [outdoor] looked inviting, though!
Spa, Sauna, and Relaxation – Aspirations of Pampering:
The website listed a Spa, Spa/sauna, Massage, and Sauna. I didn't see or experience any of those. Maybe they were in another wing?
Services and Conveniences – The Little Things that Matter (and that I’d Expect):
The Howard Johnson had a surprisingly decent array of Services and conveniences, from Cash withdrawal to Concierge. The Cashless payment service was really helpful. Laundry service, and dry cleaning were available. Luggage storage and a safety deposit boxes were there. In the lobby were coffee shop. I also thought is was great they had Convenience store and Gift/souvenir shop right there. The Elevator was indeed a godsend, and the Air conditioning in public area was a necessity, especially when it was warm. Check-in/out [express] was surprisingly fast. Doorman and front desk [24-hour]
For the Kids – They Seemed Alright
I don't have kids, but I noticed a few families. The hotel seemed pretty family/child friendly. I saw signs for a Babysitting service.
Getting Around:
There's a free Car park [on-site, free of charge], which is a huge win. The taxi service was also easy to arrange.
The Verdict – Unexpected Charm (With a Side of Beige)
Look, the Howard Johnson in Appleton isn't going to win any awards for luxury or cutting-edge design. But here’s the kicker: I left feeling…positive. It was clean, safe, and the staff, though not overly chatty, were efficient and friendly. Did I experience a spa-like experience? No. Did the food knock my socks off? Nope (though, to be fair, I didn’t try the restaurant). But it was comfortable. It was quiet (aside from an unfortunate incident involving a crying baby at 3 a.m. – not the hotel's fault!). It was, dare I say, charming in its own slightly faded, roadside Americana way.
So, would I recommend it? If you're looking for a no-frills, budget-friendly stay with good bones, then yeah. Absolutely. Embrace the beige! Embrace the slightly wonky Wi-Fi! Embrace the Howard Johnson-ness of it all! It was an escape, after all, from the hyper-polished world that sometimes feels utterly exhausting. And sometimes, that's exactly what you need.
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Appleton, WI: A Journey Through Cheese Curds and Existential Dread (Maybe?) - My Totally Unofficial Itinerary
Alright, so here's the deal. I'm in Appleton, Wisconsin, at the Howard Johnson. Don't judge. The free breakfast is calling my name, and frankly, after the drive, I needed a soft bed and a vaguely familiar logo. This isn't a carefully curated, Instagram-worthy travel guide. This is… me. Mostly caffeinated. And probably craving something fried.
Day 1: Arrival, Anticipation, and the Ghosts of Breakfast Past
- PM (ish): Arrive in Appleton. The drive was… uneventful. Which, honestly, is a win. I'm not entirely sure what I was expecting from Wisconsin, but the landscape is mostly flat, and the sky seems… persistently gray. Check into the Howard Johnson. The lobby smells faintly of chlorine, which, surprisingly, is comforting.
- (Immediately) After Check-In: The Room. Okay, so it's a Howard Johnson room. Let's be real. But it's got a bed! And a TV! And a surprisingly strong Wi-Fi signal, because, let's be honest, the internet is everything. Unpack. Mentally prepare for the onslaught of cheese I'm about to consume.
- Evening: Okay, I'm going to be honest. I'm starving. I'm pretty sure I saw a Culvers while driving in. So, Culver's first. Then, walk around. Try to get a sense of the town.
- Anecdote: Okay, I went to Culver's. I ordered a ButterBurger. It was… good. Comfort food. Maybe a little too much comfort food. Don't judge my life choices. This trip is about embracing the chaos, damn it! The person in front had a whole thing about asking about the "flavor of the day." I swear I would have gone insane, but had the best burger.
- Night: Back at the Howard Johnson. Questioning life choices. Wishing I'd packed better snacks. Contemplating the mysteries of continental breakfast. Praying for waffles.
Day 2: Cheese Curds, Paper and the Crushing Weight of My Own Expectations
AM: The Continental Breakfast Debacle: Alright, ready for the day! I came down as soon as breakfast started. Turns out the waffles ran out. There goes my day. Grabbed some cereal and coffee. It did its job.
Morning:
- Category - Cheese Curd Quest: Okay, this is the reason I came here. Cheese Curds. I'm on a mission. Destination: A local cheese factory. The anticipation is a legitimate physical sensation. I'm picturing warm, squeaky, perfectly salty nuggets of dairy delight.
- OMG, This Place: Okay, so I found this "Kismet Cheese Shop" and I'm there. It's… surprisingly small. The people are so nice and the cheese smelled so strong!
- Cheese Curd Encounter! Okay, deep breaths. I ordered a pound of cheese curds and devoured them! They literally squeaked. They were amazing! So salty! So cheesy! So… gone. This is the peak of my trip. I can go home now. (Kidding! Mostly.)
- Category - The Paper Valley (or some other name) Museum: So I went to this museum. Honestly, I went because it was in a guidebook, and I was feeling obligated. It wasn't terrible, but it was kind of… about paper. Like, the history of paper. Which, okay, is important, I guess? But it's not exactly thrilling.
- Quirky Observation: There were some amazing exhibits on origami. I attempted to make a paper crane. It looked like a deformed bird with a serious case of the squints.
- Emotional Reaction: I was starting to feel overwhelmed. I was missing the cheese curds. The vastness of history and art seemed to make the trip itself seem meaningless.
- Category - Local Dinner/Happy Hour: Now on to the next bit of the trip. I want to find a nice beer garden.
- Category - Cheese Curd Quest: Okay, this is the reason I came here. Cheese Curds. I'm on a mission. Destination: A local cheese factory. The anticipation is a legitimate physical sensation. I'm picturing warm, squeaky, perfectly salty nuggets of dairy delight.
Evening:
- Dinner/Happy Hour: Found this AMAZING place. Seriously. It was worth ALL the trips. I was so overwhelmed.
- Night: Now, back to the Howard Johnson. Watching some late-night television. Contemplating writing a strongly worded review of that museum. And maybe ordering room service. Because, why not?
Day 3: Departure, Reflections, and the Lingering Echo of Squeaky Cheese
- AM:
- Breakfast: The waffles still haven't materialized. I'm starting to think the legends are true. The waffle machine is a myth. More cereal it is.
- Final Appleton Wandering: I'm really not sure what to do with this trip. Should I go see a park? Whatever it is, I feel it won't be as good as the cheese curds.
- PM:
- Departure: Time to leave. My heart is heavy. I'm leaving with a backpack full of cheese curds, some vague memories of paper, a slightly elevated cholesterol level, and a renewed appreciation for the simple things in life – like squeaky cheese.
- Final Thoughts: Appleton, Wisconsin. You were… something. I'm not sure what, but I'm glad I came. Maybe. I'll be back. For the cheese curds, if nothing else. And the free breakfast, of course.
- The Drive Home: Thinking. Wondering. Wishing I'd bought more cheese curds. Maybe I'll stop at another Culvers. Just for old time's sake. And to process all this cheese. And life. And everything.
Escape to Appleton: Howard Johnson's Unexpected Charm! - Because Seriously, What *Was* I Thinking? (And Also, Maybe I'm a Little Bit in Love) - FAQs
Okay, Seriously, Why Appleton? And Why the Howard Johnson's? Did You Lose a Bet?
Ugh, the shame. Honestly? It was a combination of desperation and a crippling need for cheap. We (my significant other, let's call her "Sarah" to protect her from my questionable decisions) were looking for a quick weekend getaway. Everything decent within a reasonable driving distance from Chicago was booked solid, OR charging the GDP of a small island nation. Then, Appleton popped up in my "deals" search. And the Howard Johnson's? Well, let's just say the price was right. The *pictures*… well, they had a certain “vintage charm.” I, naively, thought that meant "retro-cool." Sarah, bless her heart, just rolled her eyes. I swear, sometimes I think she's more optimistic *about* the doom of humanity than *my* travel plans. I was operating on a budget, okay? And hey… those orange roofs are iconic, right? Right?!
So, was it *actually* charming? Or just… 'charming' in the way a slightly lopsided taxidermied squirrel is charming?
Look, I'm not going to lie. The lobby... Let's just say it wasn't exactly "Instagrammable." The carpet, bless its threads, had seen things. *Things.* But…and this is the weird part…there was a certain *vibe*. It was like stepping back in time...to a time before everyone cared about artisanal coffee and avocado toast. It was raw. Authentic in its slightly-falling-apart-ness. The bellhop (who was also the night security guard, and possibly the guy who mowed the lawn?) was a true Wisconsin gem. He called everyone "Hon" and had stories for DAYS about the hotel's history! He’d seen it all… even a surprisingly long-lived pet hamster that was, apparently, a legend. The room? Basic. But clean. And you know what? It felt… safe? Comforting? Like a faded, slightly rumpled hug. We’d be out of the room in a heartbeat if it wasn't for the surprisingly comfy beds, I swear.
The Breakfast. Please, tell me about the breakfast. Was there a continental breakfast buffet involving questionable-looking pastries?
Oh, the breakfast. Now we're getting to the *real* story. Yes. There was a "continental breakfast." And yes, the pastries *did* look like they'd been through a war. But… and I'm going to whisper this… it was GOOD. Not gourmet good, mind you. But good in the way a perfectly mediocre pancake drowning in syrup can be soul-soothing. The coffee? Weak, but plentiful. The orange juice? Probably from concentrate. The stale bagels? You know what, they were surprisingly edible after a dip in the syrup. But the best part of all, there was this *one* woman named "Barb" who manned the breakfast spot. She was amazing - she'd refill things before you even realized they were running low, and she had the brightest, warmest smile like she had never experienced a bad day in her life. Barb was the one who made the breakfast experience. Every bite I took felt like a comforting pat on the back which told me, "You know, you *did* make the right decision." And I think about Barb's smile every now and then. Just… Barb, that's it. The whole breakfast was a bit of a metaphor for life, actually - a little rough around the edges, but ultimately, pretty wonderful. It's almost like she *knew* how much I needed that pancake that morning…
Any actual, you know, *highlights*? Aside from the breakfast lady (Barb, right?)
Okay, so beyond Barb and the aforementioned (mostly) edible pastries…yes. Appleton itself is… well, it's Appleton. It’s got a certain, quiet charm. We visited the Hearthstone Historic House Museum, the first home to be lit by hydroelectricity. It was fascinating! And you know what? The staff there were *amazing*. They were all so enthusiastic. We also wandered around downtown and found a neat little record shop. I picked up an old vinyl of a band I loved back in college. I'm not a huge fan of the Green Bay Packers - Sarah loves them though - but we visited the Lambeau Field. What I never expected was for the community to be so warm. The people in Appleton? Seriously friendly. It was like everyone had decided to be genuinely nice to each other. It was...refreshing. And, oddly, that slightly-falling-apart Howard Johnson's became almost perfect because it served as the perfect base for it all.
Okay, the big question: Would you go back? Be honest. Please.
Look… here's the unvarnished truth. I *loved* it. Like, really, truly, unexpectedly LOVED it. The Howard Johnson's wasn't the Ritz-Carlton, and it wasn't *trying* to be. It was honest, it was cheap, and it was… well, it was *real*. It wasn't perfect. There was some questionable plumbing, I'll admit. And the air conditioning was... well, let's just say it was a *suggestion*. I have never been more genuinely excited to check out a hotel room. But the people, the general atmosphere…it seeps into your soul a bit. You know what? Yes. I would absolutely go back. In a heartbeat. And I'm already looking for dates. Don't tell Sarah, she'll think I've finally lost it. Maybe she's right. But seriously... I'm already mentally planning my next visit. I'm even looking forward to seeing Barb again! I might bring her an extra-large bottle of maple syrup. She deserves it.
Any tips for future "Escape to Appleton" adventurers?
Embrace the weird. Seriously. Lower your expectations… then, double that. Bring your own pillow (you’ll thank me later). Make friends with Barb. Tip the bellhop. Pack some snacks (just in case). And most importantly, go with an open mind… and a slight sense of humor. Because Appleton, and the Howard Johnson's, needs to experience them at their best: the *unexpected*. Oh, and, be prepared to possibly be charmed. It’s a real possibility. And maybe... just maybe... bring some extra syrup.
After all this, what did Sarah think?
You know what? *That's* a good question. I was *positive* she'd hate it. I was prepared forLocal Hotel Tips
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