Escape to St. Louis: Your Perfect Westport Extended Stay Awaits!
Escape to St. Louis: My Absolutely Unfiltered Westport Extended Stay Adventure! (Spoiler Alert: It was… something.)
Okay, buckle up buttercups, because I’m about to unleash a review so raw, so real, it'll probably make the hotel's PR team break out in hives. I just finished an extended stay at the "Escape to St. Louis: Your Perfect Westport Extended Stay Awaits!" and let me tell you, perfect is a strong word. But hey, let's dive in, shall we?
(Metadata First, Because SEO is Apparently a Thing… even if I, personally, find it utterly soul-crushing.)
- Title: Escape to St. Louis Review: Westport Extended Stay - The Good, The Bad, and the Surprisingly Wet Sauna
- Keywords: St. Louis Hotel Review, Westport Accommodation, Extended Stay, Accessible Hotel, Pool with a View, Spa/Sauna, Free Wi-Fi, Restaurant Review, Cleanliness, Safety, Family-Friendly, Car Parking, Room Amenities.
- Description: A brutally honest account of an extended stay at "Escape to St. Louis," covering everything from accessibility and cleanliness to the questionable charms of the pool bar and the truly epic sauna fail. Prepare for unfiltered opinions, quirky observations, and a healthy dose of cynicism. Because, let's be real, hotel reviews should be fun, not just a list of bullet points.
(Onto the Chaos!)
First impressions? The name is a tad… aspirational. “Escape”? More like a slightly delayed departure from reality. But, hey, at least they’re upfront about the extended stay thing. I needed a place for a solid month, so Westport seemed like a good starting point. Did it live up to the hype? Let's break it down, layer by messy, glorious layer:
Accessibility: A Mixed Bag, Like a Bag of Trail Mix Where All the Raisins Are Rock Hard
- Accessibility: This is where things got interesting. They advertise "facilities for disabled guests," but the execution was… well, let's say it required a lot of patience. The elevators were available, which is a huge plus. But navigating the hallways in a wheelchair (which I may or may not have used, let's just say it's a hypothetically scenario), felt like navigating a particularly poorly designed obstacle course. Doors felt heavy, some ramps were a little too steep. It wasn’t terrible, but it definitely wasn't seamless. They get a solid "C+" in this department. They should probably invest in those little assistive devices.
- Wheelchair Accessible: Some rooms were listed as such - and it was a lifesaver for the imaginary friend and the imaginary chair!
- Elevator: Yes!
Cleanliness and Safety: More Sanitized Than My Brain After a Bad Breakup
- Cleanliness and safety: Okay, this part they nailed. Coming out of the pandemic, I was a bit of a germaphobe, and I have to say, I was impressed. They were obsessed with sanitizing. Daily disinfection in common areas? Check. Professional-grade sanitizing services? Check. Room sanitization between stays? Triple Check. And the best part? The staff actually seemed to care about it.
- Anti-viral cleaning products?: Oh, they used them alright. My room smelled like a hospital (which, honestly, after the last few years, was a comfort).
- Hand Sanitizer: Everywhere. Literally, like, every single corner. I'm not complaining.
- Breakfast takeaway service: Didn't use, but the option was available.
- Cashless payment service, Daily disinfection in common areas, First aid kit, Hygiene certification, Individually-wrapped food options, Physical distancing of at least 1 meter, Professional-grade sanitizing services, Room sanitization opt-out available, Rooms sanitized between stays, Safe dining setup, Sanitized kitchen and tableware items, Staff trained in safety protocol, and Sterilizing equipment: All present and accounted for.
Dining, Drinking, and Snacking: From Bland Buffet to Surprisingly Decent Cocktails
- Restaurants: They had a few. There was a main restaurant, a casual bar, and a pool bar.
- Breakfast [buffet]: This was… underwhelming. It was the typical hotel buffet – scrambled eggs that seemed to have been born in a factory, limp bacon, and pastries that were probably older than me. I'm not a breakfast person, so I didn't hate it, but let's just say it won't be winning any culinary awards.
- A la carte in restaurant: They did have an a la carte menu for other meals, which was slightly more promising.
- Poolside bar: This place, though… the pool bar was a surprisingly pleasant surprise, especially after a few hours in the underwhelming sauna. The cocktails were actually decent, and the people-watching by the pool was top-notch. They also served some pretty good fries - a lifesaver while I was contemplating my life choices.
- Poolside bar: The fries were great, as was the view.
- Coffee/tea in restaurant and coffee shop: Available. Needed. Enjoyed.
- Happy hour: Yep. Good for the soul.
- Snack bar: A little overpriced, but convenient.
- Room service [24-hour]: Excellent, always a bonus!
- Asian breakfast, Asian cuisine in restaurant: I didn’t see these.
- Alternative meal arrangement, Desserts in restaurant, Salad in restaurant, Soup in restaurant, Vegetarian restaurant, Western breakfast, Western cuisine in restaurant: All present and available.
Things to Do/Ways to Relax: The Sauna Saga and the Pool with a View
- Pool with view: Okay, the pool is pretty great. It's outdoors, has a great view of… well, something. (I'm not entirely sure what I was looking at, but it was pleasant enough.) The lounge chairs were comfortable, the sun was (mostly) cooperating, and it was a good place to zone out.
- Spa/sauna: Let’s talk about the sauna. This is where things went from “meh” to “memorable” (in a slightly mortifying way). I decided to treat myself one afternoon. I’m picturing myself relaxing, sweating out all my worries, emerging refreshed and renewed. Yeah, that wasn't quite how it played out. I stepped into the sauna, expecting a blissful, steamy experience. Instead, I encountered what can only be described as a heat-death-trap. It was like sitting inside a hairdryer. The temperature gauge seemed to be stuck on "incineration." And the worst part? It felt like a lifetime before I could escape! I stumbled out, red-faced and gasping for air. It will permanently be etched in memory. They should really check those temperatures. I'm still traumatized!
- Spa: Didn’t try the spa. Maybe next time, if there is a next time.
- Fitness center, Gym/fitness: All available.
- Body scrub, Body wrap, Foot bath, Massage: Not used, available.
Services and Conveniences: The Good, The Bad, and the Surprisingly Helpful Doorman (Seriously)
- Air conditioning in public area: Yes, thank goodness.
- Concierge, Doorman,: The doorman deserves a medal. He was incredibly helpful, always pleasant, and somehow managed to remember everyone’s name. He was a bright spot.
- Facilities for disabled guests: See Accessibility section. More could be done.
- Laundry service: Used multiple times, and it was fast and efficient.
- Meeting/banquet facilities and Meeting stationery: I didn't use them, but good that they're available.
- Luggage storage: Yes.
- Daily housekeeping, Laundry service, Dry cleaning, Ironing service, etc: Solid.
- Convenience store: Decent for late-night snacks.
- Car park [free of charge], Car park [on-site]: Lots of parking.
- Wi-Fi for special events: Didn't check this out.
Available in All Rooms: The Room That Held My Sanity (Mostly)
- **Additional toilet, Air conditioning, Alarm clock, Bathrobes, Bathroom phone, Bathtub, Blackout curtains, Carpeting, Closet, Coffee/tea maker, Complimentary tea, Daily housekeeping, Desk, Extra long bed, Free bottled water, Hair dryer, High floor, In-room safe box, Interconnecting room(s) available, Internet access – LAN, Internet access – wireless, Ironing facilities, Laptop workspace, Linens, Mini bar, Mirror, Non-smoking, On-demand movies, Private bathroom, Reading light, Refrigerator, Safety/security feature, Satellite/cable channels, Scale, Seating area, Separate shower/bathtub, Shower, Slippers, Smoke detector, Socket near the bed, Sofa, Soundproofing
Okay, buckle up, buttercups, because this isn't your grandmother's polished travel itinerary. This is the raw, unfiltered, probably slightly-caffeinated document of my impending adventure to St. Louis, Missouri, and my base of operations: the oh-so-glamorous Extended Stay America Select Suites - St. Louis - Westport - Craig Road. Pray for me.
Pre-Trip Anxiety & Ramblings (aka "The Before Times")
- The Dreaded Packing: Ugh. Packing. My nemesis. I'm the kind of person who optimistically throws in everything except the kitchen sink, then ends up living in a wrinkled t-shirt and a permanent state of "I have nothing to wear." This time, though, I swear I'll be organized. (Narrator: She won't.)
- Flight Frights (and Delays): Flying. A necessary evil. I'm already picturing the cramped seats, the screaming babies, and the inevitable turbulence that’ll have me clutching my rosary beads (even though I'm not Catholic - it's a comfort object, okay?). Praying the flight gods are on my side. And that they're not serving the airline peanuts. Those things are satanic.
- The Hotel Mystery: Extended Stay America. The name itself sounds like a promise and a threat, all rolled into one. Will the sheets be clean? Will there be a rogue cockroach named Bartholomew? Will the continental breakfast consist of stale bagels and regret? So many questions…
Day 1: Arrival, Settling In, and Mild Panic (aka "The Discomfort Zone")
- Morning (or whenever my flight actually lands):
- Arrival at Lambert International: Okay, deep breaths. Navigation is key. Hopefully, my internal compass is working better than my luggage-organizing skills.
- Uber/Taxi to the promised land (Extended Stay America): Praying the driver doesn't judge my questionable fashion choices. First impressions are crucial, right?
- Check-in. The Great Unknown: Praying the front desk clerk is having a good day, and my reservation is actually there. Dealing with hotel check-in after a flight is a trial of patience.
- Unpacking (or, let’s be honest, chucking everything onto a bed): Assessing the room. Is it clean? Is it a portal to some other dimension? Critically important questions. And figuring out how to work that blasted TV remote.
- Afternoon:
- Grocery Run (The Quest for Snacks): Finding a grocery store. The quest for sustenance! My blood sugar dictates my mood, and I'd rather not be that person. Chips, trail mix, something… anything… to survive.
- Exploring the Westport Area (Feeling like a Lost Tourist): Westport is, supposedly, a "happening" area. This is the "feeling slightly overwhelmed by everything" block. Let the wandering commence!
- Dinner - Something Easy and Familiar (Because I'm already exhausted): Finding a decent place to eat. Pizza, burgers, something I can actually eat without a map and a translator.
- Evening:
- Meltdown (aka "The Reality Check"): Probably a minor breakdown from travel fatigue. It happens. Ordering takeout and contemplating all the life choices that led me to this moment.
- Early Night (or attempting to sleep despite the unfamiliar noises): Sleep! Or at least, try to sleep. Hotel rooms always have weird noises.
Day 2: Gateway Arch and a Whole Lot of Walkin' (aka "The Tourist Trap Takedown")
- Morning:
- Continental Breakfast (The Horror… or, Okay, Maybe Not): Facing the breakfast bar. Praying for edible options. Cereal, coffee, and a smile, if possible.
- The Gateway Arch - Majesty or Hype? Okay, actually, I am pretty excited about this. The iconic arch! Pictures! Maybe even a little ride to the top. (Hope I don't get claustrophobic.)
- Touring the Grounds: Surrounding areas. This city feels huge.
- Afternoon:
- Lunch - Downtown Food Trucks (Embrace the Adventure): Okay, a little risk-taking! Food trucks! Might be amazing, might be a disaster. But that's the fun, right?
- Exploring the City Museum - The Anti-Museum (or, the "What Is Going On?" Experience): This is supposed to be legendary. A playground for adults. Prepare for sensory overload. Prepare for fun (probably). Maybe bring a helmet?
- Evening:
- Dinner - Local Dive with Live Music (Embrace the Vibe): Seeking out a more local experience. Real food. Real people. Real music. Is any of this going to be actually good? Maybe!
- Trying to have a social life: Meeting up with friends, family, coworkers, a stranger at the bar.
- Nightcap and Reflection (or, collapsing into bed): Assessing the day's damage (mental and physical). Making peace with all of it. Praying for sleep.
- Rambling thoughts: The arches, the food, the city… What of it all?
Day 3: Culture, History, and Pretending to Be Cultured (aka "The Serious Stuff")
- Morning:
- Repeat Breakfast Ritual: (Survival Mode: Activated.)
- Saint Louis Art Museum (High Culture Alert!): Attempting to appreciate art. Pretending to know what I'm looking at. Maybe I'll secretly enjoy it.
- Saint Louis Zoo (Animals!): Okay, this is something I can definitely get behind. Animals are awesome, and I shall be a devoted zoo guest!
- Afternoon:
- Lunch - Quick and Easy (Energy Levels are Dwindling): Gotta refuel. Something fast, so I can survive the afternoon's activities.
- Visit the Cathedral Basilica of Saint Louis: Gorgeous architecture. I might just stare at it and meditate.
- Evening:
- Dinner - Fancy Restaurant (Or at least, something I can call "fancy"): Stepping it up a notch. Dressing up (a little). Maybe.
- Evening - Theatre/Show (Or a movie, if I'm too tired): Attempting to look sophisticated. Even if I fall asleep in the middle.
- Final Reflections (and, possibly, a touch of melancholy): Starting to accept the coming end. The city has its moments.
Day 4: Last Day Blues and Departure (aka "The Bitter-Sweet Farewell")
- Morning:
- Final Breakfast - Sigh: Another one.
- Last Minute Souvenir Shopping (The Panic Sets In): Gotta get something. Something to remember this trip by. Something that will inevitably get lost or broken.
- Check Out. The Final Hurdle: Praying the bill is correct. Praying I haven't left anything important behind.
- Afternoon:
- Uber/Taxi to Airport: One last hurrah with the city.
- Departure: Goodbye St. Louis. It was real.
- The Return Flight (and the inevitable post-trip exhaustion): Thinking back. Did I enjoy it? What did I miss?
Post-Trip musings:
- The Recap: Was it a success? Did I survive? Did I actually get any decent photos? The answer, likely, is a resounding "maybe".
- The Lessons Learned (Probably None): Travel is a journey. A messy, unpredictable one. Embrace the chaos. And always, always bring extra snacks.
This is just a guideline, people. I'm sure I'll deviate wildly from it. I'm sure some of it will fall through due to fatigue or lack of interest. But hey, that's part of the fun, right? Wish me luck. I'm gonna need it. And maybe a stiff drink.
Escape to Hudsonville: Your Perfect Travelodge Getaway Awaits!
Escape to St. Louis: Your Perfect Westport Extended Stay Awaits! (Or Does It?) - FAQs, Real Talk Edition
Okay, spill the beans. Is Westport *actually* as cool as everyone says? I’ve heard whispers…
Look, let's be real. Westport is... well, it's complicated. It's got that quintessential "charm" that sometimes feels like a carefully manufactured antique. One minute you’re basking in the glow of a lively patio, sipping something overpriced and fruity (hello, "skinny margaritas" that somehow taste like pure sugar). The next, you're dodging a rogue scooter or, you know, a slightly inebriated dude belting out Journey at 3 AM (true story, folks, true story). It *is* cool, in that vibrant, chaotic, slightly-grungy-but-trying-to-be-fancy kind of way. Think of it as a well-dressed, slightly rebellious teenager who secretly loves their parents' old records. So... yes, mostly. Depends on your mood, really. One night, I felt pure elation; the next, I felt like I NEEDED those earplugs.
Extended Stay? Is this place more a hotel or an apartment? Because let's be honest, I'm planning on living in it.
This is the big question; right? Depends. It's trying to thread that needle. Picture a hotel that's secretly gone to therapy to work on its commitment issues and now *claims* to be an apartment complex, but isn't totally cut off. It's got the basics: a kitchenette, some (hopefully) comfy furniture, and a weird selection of random kitchenware. They *say* its like home; I’m leaning more towards a furnished apartment with a front desk and the option of housekeeping (thank heavens). I lived there for a month, and let me tell you... I brought my own coffee maker. Don't underestimate the value of a good coffee maker when you're surviving on takeout and existential dread after a day full of... well, you'll see. Trust me. Bring a good coffee maker. And maybe a favorite blanket.
Parking. Oh, the parking! What's it like? I heard the stories...
Parking in Westport is a beast of the asphalt jungle. It's not a gentle creature either, it bites! Be prepared to be a parking ninja. Sometimes you'll find street parking (if you're willing to circle the block five times while humming the Jaws theme song). Other times, there are little parking lots scattered around. They have a fee, obviously, but not always worth it. I remember one night, I spent a solid 20 minutes doing a slow, agonizing loop around the area, eyes peeled, my stomach growling for something other than the sadness in the pit of my soul. (Seriously, you can't eat sadness.) Eventually, I found a spot so tight, I swear my car hugged the curb for dear life. The next morning, I had a near miss! I saw another car nearly scraping my bumper! Seriously, invest in a good parking radar or something. Or better yet, Uber. Seriously, Uber is your friend. Maybe two.
Food! Tell me about the food! Is it all chain restaurants and overpriced burgers?
Alright, listen up, foodies! Don’t freak out. Westport has a surprisingly decent food scene. Yes, there are chains. But there are also some absolute gems tucked away in the nooks and crannies. I’m talking about hidden taco joints with tortillas that make you cry tears of joy. I am not exaggerating. I had one of the best tacos. Ever. And I lived in Mexico for a while. Also, some great brunch spots. Brunch is vital. I recommend exploring! Seriously, get out there. Experiment. Don’t be afraid to try something new. Or, you know, just stick with the reliable burger. But PLEASE, for the love of all that is holy, get the taco. Trust me.
Are there any downsides I should be aware of before booking? I'm trying to keep it real here.
Ah, yes, the downsides. Where do I begin? Okay, this is going to sound incredibly petty, but occasionally, the noise. The air conditioning units. They have a mind of their own. Seriously, they go from Arctic blast to sweltering furnace in the blink of an eye. I'm pretty sure they wage a silent war against your internal thermostat. Then, there's the occasional late-night revelry that bleeds through the walls. Like, I loved that people were having a great time, don't get me wrong, but... I also really, REALLY needed sleep around 2 AM. (I was having a very hard time sleeping, which is likely making me crankier now). Then there's this: I swear to God, I had to change my sheets once. This isn’t a deal-breaker, but just be aware that it might not be as polished as a luxury hotel. But mostly, just be prepared for a slightly chaotic, highly entertaining experience. Westport is a roller coaster, and you're strapped in. Embrace the ride.
What's the internet speed like? Because, you know…work. And streaming. Priorities, people!
Okay, work-from-home warriors and binge-watching aficionados, listen up! The Wi-Fi at this place is... adequate. Let's just say it's not going to win any speed records. Some days it's zippy enough for a video conference; other days, you'll be staring at the buffering icon with the same level of existential dread as when you realize your bank account is mysteriously... empty. Streaming? Well, plan your binge schedule accordingly. Maybe download your stuff ahead of time. Or, you know, just take a break and go explore the outside world. That's usually what I did. It's easier, really.
So, would you recommend it? Honestly. After all this.
Look, I had a *time*. A weird, wonderful, sometimes-frustrating time. Would I recommend it? Yes. With caveats. If you're looking for perfection, a sterile experience, and total silence, then maybe look elsewhere. But if you're adventurous, adaptable, and okay with a little bit of glorious chaos, then Westport, and this extended stay, could be perfect. Just pack your own coffee maker, some earplugs, and a sense of humor. Oh, and maybe a good parking app. You'll need it. Trust me. I’d do it again. Maybe. Probably.
Post a Comment for "Escape to St. Louis: Your Perfect Westport Extended Stay Awaits!"